The depth of you
God is moving in a huge way inside me. I can feel it. The deeper I go with him, the deeper he takes me. It's like uprooting a tree, only to find another tree to uproot and on and on. Seems that there are scars being found that I didn't even know existed. I'm done with trying to do this on my own. I'm done with human effort. I want to live in the presence of God at all times. How is this obtained. Love God with all your heart...working on that, love your neighbor as yourself...oh crap. How is it that I can see the transformation in myself but have a hard time believing the possibility in others? Maybe the transformation is rooted in the wrong thing. When did my ego become so large? I've fought my own flesh so hard but sometimes I think it's really who I am. Human effort isn't enough, I need you. I need to be radically transformed from the inside by the Holy Spirit. I need to stop tell you what you can do for me and start asking what I can do for you. Please Lord, take me deeper. Grow my faith and help me rely on you.
Coming back to "Church"
I think I was onto something in the Church post but I also think I was looking at it totally wrong. When John Neufeld was talking about sin, it really got me thinking about church and trying to obtain the unobtainable. I have lots going through my head about this but I'm going to come back to it...stay tuned.
Sin
For the last two weeks I've been attending Willingdon Church thinking that it might be a place to root myself for a while and be discipled. Last Sunday John Neufeld spoke a lot about sin and it's nature. I think I've been looking at sin with the wrong lens. I look at it as a particular act, instead of understanding that at my core, I have inequity (a twisted nature). That very twisted nature dictates that I am in sin, not just committing acts of it. Jesus knows me and all my inequities and transgressions and has forgiven me for them....but what does that mean? How do I understand the depth of that love when I can't even forgive myself for some of the things that I've done? Paul puts it best when he says "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out" So where am I going with this? I guess it just taught me that thinking that I can overcome sin is just setting myself up for failure but trusting in God is some place that I can start. I understand that I am forgiven by my creator but I need to trust God, so so I can forgive myself. Making that connection is going to be the hard part.
